I'm Candy. They know me as The FORBIDDEN HONEY She's internally dying.. So, do you really know me? I think it's cute when people call me Candy. I'm 1/2 Jordanian 1/2 Scandinavian. I'm 18 years old. I'm not two faced. I say cute things. I'm nice-TOO nice & people take advantage of that. I'm funny. Everyone who knows me.. loves me. The only ones who dislike me, are those who don't know me. I live in the suburb Park Ridge.. which is real close to Chicago. I'm a sucker for a nice smile & nice eyes. I've never done drugs. I don't talk shyt about people. I love spontanious people. I'm insecure [I hate it]. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm not that same girl I was when I was 14. I have a mature mind. I've learned to love, I have learned to lose. I am a clone of my mother. I'm indecisive. People love to backstab me. I'm a huge sweet-heart. I don't choose to have many friends. Having one good friend is a lot better than having a bunch of tricks. I'm Curious. I'm sensitive. I'm stressed. Most of the time I think Im an anti-social. I hate talking on the phone. I can't stand drama, expecially stupid high school drama. I want to move out. I'm Sentimental. I hate when the people I love make the wrong choices and I can't do anything about it. I'm a bad conversationist with people I dont know. I have no clue what to say to grown-ups. I'm flirtatious. I'm very affectionate. I smile ALOT & Laugh ALOT [I can't help it]. I have a history of fakes [get your own identity]. I dont mix well with scorpios. I'm stubborn. I'm shy. I'm selfish sometimes. I hate when people can't keep their mouth shut about my life. I also hate when people get their way into my buisness and try to handle it. I take the blame for everything. Not a lot of people understand me. I hate when people think my life is easy or when people compare their life to mine. I am fortunate and appreciative for what I have but let me tell you, my life is not easy. I've gone through way too many things in these past few years - things a girl my age doesn't need to go through. I'm not the Natalie I use to be. I wish I can be her again. But my heart will never be the same as it was then. I like to keep my emotions in because I don't really like talking. I'm not a big talker about the way I feel. The words never seem to come out. I'm not a drama queen. It pains me to see someone cry. Expecially someone I care about. All I ever wanted out of life is love that's true. I feel like I never had much of a childhood because things in my life made me look at the world in a differnt perspective and pushed me to grow up. My mind has matured so much and so fast. I'm not a regular 18 year old. I told my moma I want to feel loved. And she tells me compare yourself to someone your age that doesnt have a family or someone in a broken family. Yeah, I feel love at home, but I want something more. I am so emotionally weak at this point in my life. Weaker than I have ever been. When I love, I want to give that person all I have. I want to give them everything I own.. I want to give them my all. And I have given my all. My heart, mind and soul. But It all wasnt kept in a safe place.. It was kept in an open drawer. Free to leave at any moment.. and all of that left me. I feel so emotionless. As if nothing will phase me. I need people in my life. Therefore, anyone that walks into my life I accept them. I find good in bad.. and I find beauty in ugly. I love the fact that there are people out there that love me and care about me. Everything inside me has deteriorated. Wallahi it feels like I've been stabbed and Ive been robbed my soul. It kills me when someone I love hurts me over and over and they don't even realize it. There's no pain worse than when someone I've given my life to says hateful things to me. I'd rather be beat physically. Woulds heal.. but emotions dont. Hateful words stick to you forever. All the footprints left on my heart will stay there till the day I die. A lot of times I'll just lay down and I'll feel like my life is a dream. I never like coming home anymore. Everyone thinks Im irresponsible. Everyone thinks I don't care. Nobody knows the reason for why I do things. I'm just searching for happiness. Thats all I want. The only tears I want to shed, are tears of happiness. Why is eternal happiness so hard to attain? There are so many good things in my life.. so why do I feel like this? Why do I feel so little and lost? I hate how everything in life is so complicated. I hate angry hearted people. I hate the fact that I don't know what I want. I hate the fact that my own brother won't talk to me. I hate the fact that my dad is so hard on me and expects so much out of me. I hate the fact that my Mom - the greatest Mom I could ever ask for has so much pain inside her. I hate the fact that my family is so disfunctional - that out of all my aunts and uncles, only one sticks around. But it's alright. I'm young. My life has just begun. KiSSes
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